I am not myself

I am my bipolar self..
tonight, that is. I hate it when they say its all an excuse. Its all an exaggeration. "Im bipolar" is just what we say to get away with shit normal people can't. Of course, we have no LEGITIMATE symptoms; we werent diagnosed by DOCTORS with MEDICAL DEGREES. We dont take multiple MEDICATIONS every night to treat our brains.. Thats nonsense!
Ugh, anyway.
I don't want to take my medicine. I don't like swallowing pills, and i'm already lying in bed. But there could be consequences tomorrow if i dont take it.. Idk. Mania helps me perform, after all.
There is energy bursting through my body like lightning, causing me to vibrate.
Im taking sleeping pills in hopes of calming down soon.. I don't wish to be up all night. I have another show tomorrow night. So far, it's going great. But i get home and take off the smiles.. I get home and out comes the bitch or the emo kid. It's all i can do to channel my pent up feelings into something creative, sometimes.

I'll think of something.
And go take my goodnight pills like a good girl.
And tomorrow i'll wake up and move my arms and legs
And i'll blink my eyes and wet my pants too,
And you can play with me, make me dance and sing!

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there. It is hard to not let other people's prejudices affect our own self image. It is hard enough dealing with bipolar...the last thing we need is others telling us what is and isn't our "problem". "You aren't bipolar you just need to sleep more and you will feel better", that has been my personal favorite.

    I hope you can keep the mania at bay. Best wishes.