my mom sucks a lot sometimes. when she is tired life is alllll about her and not about helping me with my illness. yeah yeah everyone can be selfish sometimes and im like one of the most selfish people on earth, but still. i wanted to spend eleven dollars on art supplies because art therapy helps me feel better when im not doing so good, and she freaked out. eleven dollars is apparently far too much money to spend on my mental health. like i know there are a lot of other expenses too, i get that, what with the psychiatrist, the counseling, the medications, the hospital.. but still, i just dont get the big deal. and when she turns pissy so do i so now im just in an awful terrible mood.
My life right now just sucks because i get anxiety everywhere i go so i cant go anywhere or do anything.. at school i take double my klonopin dose just to get by. in the grocery store i freak out if people make eye contact with me. i think someones going to push me down the stairs or give me a contagious disease. i dont like socializing at all. i can only go places with jacob because i dont feel anxious around me and he really helps me feel better. i feel protected from all those things when im with him. otherwise i just want to stay in my room and read anne sexton and burn incense until i choke.
right now, im just stuffing my face with brownies. i dont even care that im a total fatass. fuckity fuck fuck fuck it.