Where did this feeling go?!

Sometimes i feel bad for not posting every day like some people. But i must remember it is my blog to do as i wish. A lot of days i just can't bring myself to write. Anyway, today i got up and realized i forgot to take my medicine last night. I took it later on with lunch, and went back to sleep. I slept until 5 pm ! And then got up because call for Peter Pan is at 6. But i realized all day that i felt GREAT! I had so much energy, i was bouncing around, i was smiling and dancing.. man i miss that feeling. I love that feeling, i feel like me again. You know?  My boyfriend could tell how happy i was. I know my brain's just going "Oh, no medicine today guys! PARTY TIME!" But still, its wonderful. On top of that, i added an energy drink, and i felt so good! had a great performance. I want to write, draw, laugh.. its wearing down of course, because i did take my medicine, but i havent taken the stabilizers yet. Those are the ones that drag me down. I may just take a half dose..? Yeah yeah, screwing with your meds is bad, whatever. Tell me something i dont know!

My mind clouds over with suffocating anxiety whenever i think of school starting next month. It's going to be awful. I hate my school, especially football season and all that bullshit. I have extra classes this year, so im going to have tons of homework, along with college apps, and i wont even be able to do theatre due to the time constraint. Im going to wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, and sleep... every day... and try not to go back on that rapid roller-coaster. I've had a fairly stable summer, and i'd hate to see that go down the drain.. yet im almost certain it will. Id like to remain positive, but i also cant help but be realistic. The people at my school.. well, they just arent fun to interact with for the most part. Not everyone, granted, but many. It doesnt help social anxiety or whatever. And if there's ever a day where you dont want to be social - god forbid- you become the bitchy loner or something. High schoolers have assbackward logic anyway, so i try not to worry about it.. who cares.

I guess that's all. Nothing much has been going on. Not feeling toooo tempted to SI. Every now and then. Not feeling out of it. Just trying to stay afloat, that's all. Family doesnt help


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