Dissociative Wednesdays

So it's mid-week.
It's going like i expected. It sucks. School is just a big shit-fest, i wander class to class like a zombie. I feel awful. Went to see my tdoc for a long time this morning, though. Since i just came down from mania, im reeeeally fucking down, but i should level out soon. I hope to zeus he's right.
I have tests and projects and finals and shit just when i start to feel my worst. Sometimes i wish mania had better timing. We've been talking about how im really sadistic and impulsive and shit, and if i get out of control i could become homicidal/suicidal/whatever. So over the summer i may require hospitalization. Which is whatever... Ive never been hospitalized for it but i think itd be an interesting experience...
I just want some goddamn margaritas, i mean its Cinco de Mayo for crying out loud!
Just trying not to get overwhelmed :(

Geez, i feel so much more sane when i write on this thing. I'm not being shunned out of some cookie cutter world that i refuse to fit in to. Im not criticized for my lack of being boring and normal..

I want to read "When Rabbit Howls"

Don't want to do anything... It's only six thirty and im in pajamas and a sweatshirt. Its ninety degrees outside, so why is it a meat locker in my house? Ugh. I may sneak out tonight and roam around. Or sleep outside. That'd be fun. I cut my hair earlier. I love cutting my hair. I just trimmed the layers. The more choppy and fragmented it looks, the more it reflects who i am....

I write a lot of poetry, so i'm going to have to start posting some. There's a LOT i dont share with anyone. Im sure my parents have read it because they go through all my fucking stuff, but whatever.

I also think it's funny that they threaten me with things like alternative schools and all this other shit. Like im scared of that? Please. I keyed this guys car today because he's an asshole and my friend was like "What if they lock you up?"
I say "Then i'll take that fucking psych ward by storm!"

Enough of this. Update later!

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